Dear future me, I hope you're not Tired..

 

  I have waited for long, grinding in silence, hoping to trust my courage in sending you this letter, my future self. But I guess my courage failed me. my words also turned their back against me due to the prolonged silence built by fear of not disappointing your hopes, trust, and decision to choose me among other juicy options of very courageous individuals out there. I guess all my support system indeed failed me.

  I still remember the smile on your face during my birth. I could grab the hope you had in me, it felt so good that I could not wait to unleash what I felt inside of me, what you saw that I couldn't see clearly. your trust gave me more clarity on my purpose here on earth. it built a strength that cannot be hacked.

You watched me grow. It felt like heaven on earth. I could smell the reality of meeting you, even though your invisible self felt more like it. I never stopped wishing. cuz that was what gave me hope.

  until I grew and started hearing; ''If wishes were horses, beggars would ride on them'' I needed to understand this. Trust me, this was the beginning of the twist.

In my quest to know more, I started ignoring your regular visits in my dreams, and I started running away from flashes of you in me in the future. This was not my intention, but to indeed prove the strength you always believed I have. 

   On the journey of going to know more,  I got distracted by the way, as I started hearing people talking about success as a big thing. To me, it was what you've always made me see as my area of strength, so I lived with it in my head all this while.

I needed to prove my words to the people life gave me, that it wasn't a big deal. Of course, I forgot your teachings on progress. So I opted to display what I have never built. for the first time, I flopped. 

My feet couldn't carry my disappointed mind, even though it experienced a disconnect with my belief system. This made me try again to be sure I wasn't missing anything. Trust me, it failed again, this time even bad.

I left the scene broken and weakened by the mockery of the individuals there. Some had name tags like: Bad economy, Bad leaders, poor educational system, poverty, corruption, Low self-esteem, and so on.

They stole my faith and courage, and also weakened my knowledge and strength.

I struggled to look at you because at that moment, everything seemed impossible.

I abandoned everything, including you, because I felt I was a different individual who needed to blend with others. 

I allowed school to detect my abilities, I allowed money to detect my worth, and I allowed people to give me validations.

For a while, it felt cool, but later on, I noticed I was struggling, putting more energy into what brought low results ( survival).

I watched you starve without any iota of remorse, because I want to try other people's methods on me.

Years have passed, and I haven't gotten any headway.. Little did I know that the you I always assumed to be far from me has always been inside of me. 

I have failed you! I have failed myself! I allowed these individuals to control how I see life. Dear future me, I hope you're not tired?

Even though I am tired of trying again, I feel strength believing in the me inside of me, Dear future self. 

I have learnt my lessons, and I have learned to always believe in myself. with this knowledge of "Everything is about the mind, "I now know better.

I get back my strength, courage that were stolen and build back the walls of my worth. 

I am now a refined mind, and I have chosen to pick up where I dropped off.

Nigeria will not decide my fate, but I. it will never take my hopes, my dreams, and my future, because my future lives inside of me, which makes it untouchable. 

Dear future me, please forgive me, and never give up on me. I am closer. I will make you proud.

 

 This letter is also dedicated to all readers. Don't give up on your dreams, believe in your self, keep your head straight, and promise yourself you will smile. This cannot be your end.

Don't lose your mind, if you do, then you have lost everything, but if you haven't, then you have not lost anything.

cheers to the courage to keep showing up. 

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see you at the top,

written by

LogicPilot